It’s been a sad year for cinema lovers. First the death of legendary special effects guru Stan Winston, and then, at the beginning of this month, the death of Don LaFontaine, the “Voice-over King.” You might not recognize him, but you definitely know his voice.
I was reminded of his passing the other day while watching Tropic Thunder. Other than every moment in which Tom Cruise appeared, the best part of the film was the collection of fake trailers that preceded the movie. And the preview for Scorcher VI was voiced by none other than the man in question. Since he’s done the voice-over for practically every action movie ever, it’s essential that you use his voice if you want to create an effective parody.
No one can ever replace him. Voice-overs will never be the same again. And while I’m sure someone could replicate his voice, that’s obviously in poor taste. But eventually someone will become the designated go-to guy (or girl).
I don’t think any of the following people will actually take up a career in voice-over acting, but it’s fun to speculate. In no particular order:
MORGAN FREEMAN
In all likelihood, this is actually the man that most people think of when the subject of voice-over narration comes up. If a script calls for a character to do voice-over, and that character is (or could possibly be) black, you can bet that Freeman is the first man that pops into a casting director’s head. It’s practically miscasting to have him in a movie where he doesn’t do voice-over. It’s the equivalent of having Johnny Knoxville in a movie and not having him get hit in the crotch. Multiple times.
While he adds introspective to a number of fictional films, it’s his recent narration of the documentary March of the Penguins that puts him on this list. Other than “it would suck to be a penguin,” his name is the first thing I think of when that movie is mentioned. If only all of the world’s teachers spoke like him, students would pay a lot more attention.
ELLEN DEGENERES
There were a couple of other women that crossed my mind, but none of them made the final cut. Kathleen Turner would make everything sound too sexy. Sigourney Weaver is too easily excited, which wouldn’t lend itself to serious dramas. Meryl Streep would be too tempted to create fake accents.
Then I realized that millions of people already know Ellen’s voice. There’s her TV show, those credit card commercials, and her performance in Finding Nemo. Oprah will be doing a voice in Disney’s upcoming The Princess and the Frog, but until then, Ellen has a leg up on her in terms of (voice) exposure and (voice acting) validity.
Plus she’s just so gosh darn likable. How could you not see a movie she was promoting? (Mr. Wrong notwithstanding.)
GARRISON KEILLOR
He’ll be the first to admit that he has a face for radio. Problem is, not nearly enough people listen to his fantastic radio show “A Prairie Home Companion.” (Despite the plotline of the film of the same name, the radio show is still going strong.) What better way to expose him to the masses (”masses” being more people than those that see Robert Altman’s films) than as a voice-over man for films and TV shows?
While he normally does humorous stories, his voice itself immediately boasts of seriousness. Heck, he could be joking while he read the voice-overs and still sound gravely serious. The only possible problem I see is that he could look down on the films and TV shows he’s supposed to be shilling, reading the lines with humorous contempt. But the mere sound of his voice is gravely serious. As long as the words make sense, he could read it anyway he wants to, and it would still have a dramatic impact.
THE LOST VOICE-OVER GUY
Not since “Where’s the Beef?” has a person been so popular for speaking only three words. And you can’t even SEE this guy. There’s no clear-cut answer as to who it actually is, though most of the speculation points to one of the show’s two producers, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse.
In just a few precious seconds (actually, probably less than two seconds), he renders millions of viewers into silence as their hearts race with anticipation of how the show will open after the obligatory recap. He’s so ingrained in current pop culture that a recent script of “30 Rock” had a prominent joke about him. (Of course, that [spec] script was written by me.)
It works because it’s not played out, so for him to do voice-overs, they’d have to be incredibly spare. Which is not something that I see advertisers doing anytime soon.
BARRY CORBIN
Before you ask, no, this is not Wilford Brimley, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve dressed as each other for Halloween. They do have a similar sound, but Corbin’s voice is grittier, the sound of a man that’s seen a lot but hasn’t felt the need to comment on it until now. Also, it doesn’t have the Pavlovian effect of making you crave Cream of Wheat.
He’s appeared in a ton of movies and played a coach on One Tree Hill, a show I’ve never seen. I can only imagine how the faux-teenagers react to his voice. If he ever reprimanded me, I’d start admitting to things I would never even think of actually doing.
Corbin flew onto my radar thanks to his appearances in two recent films, No Country For Old Men and In The Valley of Elah. Both films also feature Tommy Lee Jones, and in both films he seeks out Corbin’s in order to discuss things. If a guy that Tommy Lee Jones goes to for advice wants to tell me about an upcoming movie, I’m damned well going to listen.
- BROWSE / IN TIMELINE
- « Disney Grew A Pair
- » All’s Fair In Art
SPEAK / ADD YOUR COMMENT
Comments are moderated.
